Something I miss….

There’s a lot of things I miss within my life (people, places, feelings) but I’ve always tried to be as positive as possible and I often wonder if I do feel that way specifically or if it’s viewing things with rose coloured spectacles.

I’m so lucky that despite a lot of my life being grey and sad, I have had some of the best experiences. I miss my old life in Spain, and the people who got me through it. I miss the ease of life when I was doing A levels and living in Lincolnshire. I miss my childhood where i’d have really bad days but also really good days.

I suppose there’s many people that I miss, people who I can’t see as they are too far away, like my bro and his girlfriend, 2 of my finest supporters. I love being able to pop up and see them. Old school friends who live around the country also fit into this little section, Boston was a great place for friends for me, I was lucky to live there and have so many wonderful personal memories from it. I am glad not to live in that place anymore but I do miss sharing my life with them as I used to. I miss my closest friend from Spain, Becky, she is fantastic and i’m so lucky as we still speak most days thanks to the internet. I wish I could make her life better/easier but its so good to know if I needed her, she would be there like a shot……..I should say, it isn’t just her who I know would feel like this and if I wrote about every friend who would do that for me, this would not be a blog but an epic to rival the Encyclopedia Britannica!!

More than anything recently I’ve been thinking of the people who I miss as they are no longer here, those who were taken from this planet and especially those who were taken before their time. I think that’s why I try to do so much/so many things with my time…..I know life is ridiculously short and want to experience it, I don’t know how long I’ve got so want to spread the love and joy I feel for as often as I can.

There’s a lot of times I wonder if the people who aren’t here, if they are still about in the ether somewhere, and if they are ok with the person I am. I’m not sure my nan would approve of me (she died on my 10th birthday) and that can affect me….I spent a lot of my birthday this year in tears just thinking about her and missing her and the single overriding thought of my day was “I’m not good enough” which is silly really, I mean, if people in my family group love me, then I know she would do too, but as time goes on, I wish she was still here, then at least I could talk to her.

I should say at this point, I do still talk to people I don’t have here anymore – my other half thinks i’m mental so I do try to do it in my head, but other times I can’t help it  -especially if I know it’s something they’d find funny 😉 it helps me keep their memories alive which is equally important to me.

As STP said “a man is not dead while his name is still spoken”

Ok, this was meant to be a light-hearted look at things/ people I miss but it appears to have turned dark. I suppose that’s the thing isn’t it, it is impossible to miss things you don’t care about. But those things which make an impact (no matter how small) will leave an imprint on you, your mind, your heart or your soul.

If you feel like you miss someone, who you can still make the effort with, why not go out there today and make that effort, a letter, a card even a text can really help and I find, if people know you care about them, they will make more of an effort with you. I’m writing this now and this weekend will be writing my January letter, and hopefully will be able to pass on some love to those who I just miss because I don’t see them enough.

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