Hmm, I’m not sure I have one. I mean, sure, there’s members who I do not speak to, or see or for that matter know what’s happening in their lives but I don’t think it’s that I don’t like them, I learned a few years back through gossip that a lot of my family feel that I’m the black sheep because of the choices ive made with living my life and you know what? I’m cool with that.
As a great friend said today “i’m caring, i’m funny, i’m loving and sometimes i’m an idiot and I make mistakes but if people only want me to be perfect then they will miss out on a lot of good stuff” and I think that’s right. There’s things my family have done and choices they have made which I do not understand but if that’s their choice, then that’s fine. Life’s too short to hate.
I was lucky enough to spend time living with my brother and his girlfriend when I moved back to England, the fact that I was away from my parents for the first time was liberating and I honestly do believe that the time I spent with them was the most fun few years of my teens. They taught me so much and helped me grow into the person I am now.
I think that due to suffering from fairly harsh depression a few years back, I thought a lot about my family and the way we relate to each other. The best thing I found is that depression shows you who really cares, who really matters and who really loves you. I moved flat and the people who helped were my parents or friends, not my cousins, aunts, uncles. I had 6 months off work due to operations, got through it with friends offering to help, or my parents looking after me. I should say that my bro and sis weren’t really able to help being so far away but I will always thank them for putting up with me, making me smile, sitting on the phone when i was down, sending me love and care from afar.
I have been thinking about this subject matter a lot and to be honest, although there are family member’s i’m not fussed about being pals with, or talking to frequently but I think that I don’t want to hate, or dislike. There are fundamental differences in the person I am and the people they are and having been the “bad” example in the family, I say Ok, they may not agree with the way I live my life but as Mama Ru says “people talking sh*t since the beginning of time, less they payin’ your bills pay them b*thches no mind”
People can have any opinion of me they like, it’s no skin off my nose.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot in my family that I don’t understand (some are Tory voters, some voted to leave the EU, some are just idiots) but that’s life isn’t it? it’s better to just let bygones be bygones as I don’t want to waste my energy on that! There are some things that no matter how well you discuss, argue, however many facts you provide, you just won’t change people’s minds.
My family are pretty much all amazing though, I know that those I don’t speak with don’t miss me or vice versa, and over the years, I’ve realised that the friends I have are the family I have chosen for myself. There’s people I talk to about things that I keep from my family and some people who are easier to talk to about things, this isn’t because I don’t like my family but sometimes it’s easier to not worry those who are blood. I mean, if I have an argument with the man, I don’t need to vent to my mum about what a tool he can be, as I know that once we’ve sorted things, we will both be fine, whereas my mum would still be worried. I suppose that family can be great and can be a curse, I wouldn’t want to lose them. I have seen both my best friend and my man’s family break apart after death and that’s one of the things that scares me the most. My brother and parents haven’t had much contact in years and I hope they can mend that rift before it’s too late to. I know that’s very dark but I cannot imagine a worse conversation to have than “come, it’s nearly too late” or “next week come as there’s a funeral”
Anyway, that’s how I feel about my family. There’s a lot of people who don’t have the relationship we do and although it’s not perfect, I am lucky to have so many loving people around me.
Some of my family…….not all blood but all linked to my heart.