I don’t really think I can say much, I mean, I know it’s not been easy since Nan died, and I know you don’t feel right about life. I wish I could say it gets easier and I suppose, eventually it will but I can’t offer a quick fix i’m afraid.
The next couple of years will be really stressful, you’ll damage yourself and have it shrugged off by doctors, you’re about to make the scariest move I think it’s possible you will ever make and there will be times (a fair few) where you think you aren’t strong enough for this.
TRUST ME – you are both good and strong enough for this. There will be times of abject misery – like when you meet Don Isidro at school and he makes you out to be an idiot, in front of everyone – but there will also be moments of complete happiness and acceptance.
I know that moving back to the UK will present its own challenges and failures but remember that people around you do love you, and you’re going to have a really great group of friends, who will support you and fight for you. Maybe try to get out more, maybe see the world….it’s probably the thing you are most remembered for in school and you were too worried about failing to just grab life by the hands and DO IT.
Appreciate your family, while everyone is around and getting on, spend time with them. You will miss them once they are gone. Take more photos, do more things you enjoy and just experience life. You’re going to do some truly amazing things in the future and they make you feel great, so maybe get on the bandwagon earlier. Run like Phoebe, give time to charity, plan mad things and take advantage of anything you are offered, don’t hide away from the world cos it’s only affecting you. You won’t regret it i’m pretty sure.
I know that by me saying do these things, it will change the course of your life and therefore you probably wouldn’t move down south, or have the accident, or get help, or for that matter meet the love of your life so maybe, just do you, be as happy as you can and just be strong. Prepare for a long few years as it won’t be easy.
Of course, if someone offers you a computing course or something like that…..create a place where people can share their thoughts and dreams in less than 140 characters….it’d probably make parts of life a bit easier!!
Also, don’t pick apart photos of yourself now, you will look back on those one day and be stunned at how you looked.
your much older and probably not much wiser self x