Proud

So, I know it’s been a while so a longer blog would probably be in order but I just wanted to write about my day and how I’m feeling, to try and lock that feeling in. To always be able to remember this high.

Today, March 18th 2019, I finally passed my driving test.

I have managed to do something I set my mind to and feel amazing, I feel so proud of myself for just getting on and doing it. Ok so, it’s taken an age but my dad is right, once i’ve actually started driving, what does it matter how long it took? I should just be proud and take pride in the fact that I did it.

I know I haven’t always been positive about it but I’m glad I saw it through. I started my 40 for 40 list and this was the top one, the most important and the one I was most scared about, not only the fear of the cost and time but of the letting people down. I tried not to tell people this was happening so I didn’t feel pressure but I’m so lucky that everyone who knew, has been nothing but positive, wonderful cheerleaders.

I could not have done this without some really important people, my mum and dad – firstly as they have been my biggest cheerleaders in everything but this was something they both had (it feels like anyway) the upmost belief that I could do this – especially when I had zero confidence in myself. My partner, the silent one who again, for some reason thinks that I”m far more capable than I normally prove to be, certain friends who despite knowing the idiot I am, still felt it was a good idea for me to be in charge of a tonne or so of metal death machine and my boss, who has been lovely in letting me go for lessons and not moaned about how bloody long it’s taken me!

I’m actually pleased I followed my dad’s advice in driving in a manual car, I wanted to do auto but now have the satisfaction of knowing that I made things harder for myself and still got through it.

I don’t often blow my own trumpet (or at least, I dont want to be one of those “me me me” people) and I’m worried about doing that now but I do genuinely feel like i’ve achieved something today, I feel like, I can say, with hand on heart, that I am capable, determined and stubborn.

After I did my first firewalk I felt like I was capable of anything and i lost that feeling pretty quickly, sadly but this time, I think writing this and trying to explain the feeling I have right now will help, if nothing else, I have this to re-read, and hopefully I’ll be able to feel like this again.

I should also thank my driving instructor – Jon, he has been calm, cool, collected and a great help in giving me the belief I could do this. I’m thankful that he got my humour – apparently most people don’t ask if the instructor has life insurance on lesson 1 – and handled my inevitable mind blocks….I always thought left and right were pretty sorted in my mind, yeah, maybe not 100% of the time!

But yeah, I’m feeling really good now.

I promise I’ll start blogging more frequently soon, thanks for sticking with me xx

Have a great rest of your day. I’m off for a wine xx

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