Day 18 – If I won the lottery….

Someone from the office actually asked this yesterday, and whilst the first answer from my boss was (shockingly) bus related it did get me thinking.

I’ve written a little list below of things which I think I’d like to do, in an ideal world, I’d have to be winning a massive amount, a life changing amount so the chances of this happening are slim – especially as I very rarely even buy lottery tickets!!

  • Help out family and friends – I think this is a no brainer really. Of course you would if you could wouldn’t you? I’d love to provide security for my closest friends and family. My loved ones deserve the world and if I could make their lives a bit easier, then I’d happily do so.
  • Set up a shelter type place in Poole, there are so many homeless who need help and not enough charities to do it – I’d always thought setting up a shelter that housed, cared for, fed those on the streets would really help or i’d like to support the current charity more – I already do food deliveries for a local homeless shelter in Poole and I’d love to help them more, or in an ideal world, set up a huge house for those who are currently on the streets. I sadly lost one of my homeless in last winter – he froze to death on the streets after the local council threw his sleeping things away and that genuinely affected me. He was sweet, kind, considerate and just kept himself to himself and despite that, the local council deemed him a menace and therefore thought binning things would improve matters, not offering help, or support and that really irks me. People become homeless for many reasons and I’d like to help, simply cos no – one would want to be in that way (in my opinion) and if I could make life a little easier (I see a common theme here) then I’d happily do so.
  • World travel – There’s so many places that I’ve wanted to see and travel to and even if I have already done them, it would be nice to take it to the next level – not strictly private jets and that but things like a hotel as opposed to a hostel for example would be a nice improvement. There’s so much of this planet I want to see and experience and time is running out so I’m sure money would make things easier. I think i’d get on a plane and go to Borneo, see some Orangutans in action – and help out the same charity to improve and then start ticking things off my bucket list. So many places, so little time!
  • Get the entire Discworld collection in the Unseen Library – ok, so this is a given, I’d like the full collection with 1 set of art, be it Josh Kirby’s or Paul Kidby. Just a special set of uniform looks would please my soul.
  • Adopt some more orangutans – again, for me, another no brainer. I know Palm Oil is now a big thing in lots of people’s worlds – see the Iceland Xmas ad if you don’t believe me but I am happy to have been a part of this fight for a while and for me it’s a sacrifice worth making to save those gorgeous little things…..I mean, look into their eyes and tell me they aren’t sentient.
  • Train as a firewalk trainer/leader – I have walked on hot coals twice and for sure, if I had unlimited money I would happily train to show other people how to do this, it was something that really built my confidence in me and would love to pass that feeling on to others.
  • SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS – well, who wouldn’t want this?
  • SWIM WITH TURTLES – as above
  • Silent disco at the Natural History Museum – I’ve wanted to do this for years but money (or lack of) has always stopped me, maybe next year will be the year.
  • Start donating more and practically helping out causes which mean a lot to me – Alzheimer’s research and Orangutan Foundation are the 2 charities I support most at the moment but I’d definitely like to help more and share the love. There’s so many needy people and I wish I could help all of them so maybe more money will help.
  • Take the man to Essen and to Miami, he is such a wonderful man to me that I want to make all his dreams come true. I know how much he loves gaming so would like to take him to the centre of those worlds and be able to spoil him the way he spoils me.
  • Just have time – I think this is the main thing I would choose, I mean, if you have money, you have time, if you have time, you can do pretty much what you want. Not saying I want to break laws and that but I see classes I’d like to take which I cannot, because I work, so if I wasn’t having to work, maybe I’d learn new things, maybe I’d take up hobbies, maybe I’d actually learn to be good at something. Just having time I feel would be a real luxury.

What about you? What would be on your wishlist if you could choose anything? Feel free to let me know, inspire me and see where imagination takes you.

Day 14 – A photo of yourself.

This subject honestly terrifies me. I am a very uncomfortable person in front of a camera and then to have to look at the picture and not just cry over the self hatred I have for what is there.

I shouldn’t be so dramatic, I have got a lot better with myself over the last few years but still, photos of me are a bit tricky.

Here’s a photo of me that I sort of like, please be nice – if you chose to comment anyway, in your thoughts you can do whatever you like hehe!


I’m very surprised that when I started talking about my depression and self esteem issues that so many people reacted like I was crazy – not as in crazy for thinking that but more crazy for telling people and they had never noticed. I don’t know why this would be, I suppose I consider that it was just the way I behaved. I’m fairly good at hiding how I feel and though on the outside I was good at portraying being happy, and fine, and not upset by what people say or do but inside I was getting crushed.

I should clarify, it wasn’t only other people making me feel rubbish, I’ve always had the negative voice in my head that even when someone is lovely to me, my first thought was usually “this person is lying to you, this person is going to lie and make you feel good and then the joke will be revealed” or suchlike.

Over the last few years I have tried hard to improve my own self esteem and for a really long time have never felt comfortable in my body but due to some recent changes – giving up Palm Oil and trying to be generally healthier I actually feel pretty good right now.

I’m not suddenly saying i’m hot or whatnot but I find myself hating myself less. Less uncomfortable and more likely to treat myself well. I have bought new clothes, not just because they actually fitted (seriously, scare both yourself and the postman by your trousers falling down and you’ll see the need for new clothes!) but also thinking they might actually “suit” me. I’ve even brought a dress, for the office Xmas party – I should say, whether i actually wear it or not is still outstanding!!

But yes, after losing all the weight I even did things like get my hair cut. I know my mum has always wanted me to take more pride in myself and slowly I feel like that’s happening.

I’m aiming to dye my hair tonight (or this weekend, who really knows) and if that happens, and it’s before this publishes, I’ll share a pic…..if not, then that’ll have to wait until I get another kind of blog like this – to be honest, I’d rather not. I’m still not that comfortable and would rather write about fun things like food, travel, drag and generally happy things!


Day 13 – 3 healthy habits

Erm, this is not really me as I’m not what you’d call a gym type of person.

I mean, I’d like to be but every time I have done healthy stuff, there has been a specific reason, be it a diet or prep for a race, there’s never been a life long shift that I have made (I still smoke, I still drink, I eat bad foods sometimes, I do not get enough exercise or sleep for that matter but I think overall i’m ok) and although I’ve seen friends manage this (and i’m very proud of their commitment) as of yet, nothing like that has hit me. I don’t expect to wake up one morning and just decided to be a gym bunny or whatnot but maybe one day? Who knows!

1) I started following the Slimming world diet earlier this year, it did help me and those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I am now thinner than I was. I’ll be honest though, for me, this wasn’t perfect. There’s a lot of things that I was unsure about and unfortunately my consultant was not the most helpful – I asked her something at the beginning of my second week there…..I was there for 16 weeks and have been off since August but at no point have I had an answer.

Anyway, I agree, that by monitoring and being strict on my diet and avoiding lots of            bad fatty foods, yes it is possible to lose weight. I’ll be honest though, as soon as I was            at my target, I stopped and had a really fun couple of weeks where I ate whatever the          hell I wanted! It was DIVINE!!

I get that a good diet is considered a good and healthy thing, but for me, personally, I want to be more balanced, not completely strict. I’m not sure as a person I could handle it if I had to be strict forever – plus, I’m the main cook in our home and if I left it up to the man, although I love him like no-one else, I’d probably starve or simply survive on toasties!

2) As a non driver, I do walk a lot, but I know that everyone can improve themselves so one of my challenges for this year has been to up my steps. I’m aiming next year to (as one of my challenges) be walking 10,000 per day. We shall see anyway.

I can’t wait to start my challenge. I don’t have a fitbit or something which will nag me to walk more but i’m hoping that i’ll be able to overall get healthier. I was hoping to complete a marathon before I hit 40 but due to my knee issues, I worry that i’m pushing it so maybe the walking will have to do for now. If anyone reading this has become a longer distance runner, please feel free to pass on any hints and tips, I mean, help a girl out over here!

3) Lastly the most important and for me, the easiest one. I wanted to drink more water and made the point especially when I started at slimming world. I’ve never been a real fan of water, I always preferred squash or fizzy drinks (or tea, I’m obsessed with all teas!!) but I can remember being force fed water when I was younger –  I never really drank anything – and was promptly sick, which just shows, when I don’t want something, my body will do everything it can to avoid it!

But deciding that SW was the way forward, I started to challenge myself to a pint of very weak squash and then a pint of water, alternating throughout the day. This was going ok but thankfully by the time the heatwave happened here, I was drinking between 10 and 12 pints of water a day. I think if nothing else I’ve grown up, I use water as a first resort – if i’m hungry/tired etc, it tends to actually be that i’m dehydrated so that has certainly helped me.

Well there you go. 3 healthy habits that I will use and improve upon over my lifetime. I didn’t think that would be possible but I am now tempted to do a blog on my unhealthy habits…..that list would be ridiculous!!

Day 11 – What’s inside my fridge….

Well, as a food addict in so many ways, this should actually be a fun writing challenge. Not sure how i’m going to stretch it out as at the moment, it’s pretty empty. I need to do shopping tomorrow!

Previous readers of my blog will probably know by now that I am obsessed with food. I love cooking, playing around in the kitchen, creating and experimenting and then sitting down and devouring a feast. I know that the man is less like that than me but I do love it when we get to cook and enjoy a meal together – something which currently is very rare due to different work hours.

Anyway, I digress, what is in my fridge?

I tend to have an almost constant selection of sauces/condiments and the like……currently this includes some lemon curd that I made, some microwave berry jam, some rhubarb and ginger jam my mum got for the man and our newest collection of chilli jams. I love a good condiment and these are frequently used at the moment due to the weather making us both crave toasties. Plus, I’ve found a bread which uses sustainable Palm oil which is amazing. I really missed bread whilst I was slimming so I do treat myself but am trying to remain strong and not slip back into my old habits!

So, jams and the like, what else? We’ve also got quite into our slow cooker at the mo – great for cooking when you can’t really be bothered and not sure if we’re eating together or not so I do tend to try and have a selection of veg for stews – currently suede, carrots, butternut squash and carrots but potatoes also work well. I think there’s some meat in there now, probably just some sausages to make sausage casserole so loads of onions and chilli sauce needed for that one I think.

I know that summer is better for fridge stuff to be honest, I love a good salad and try to have a really mixed choice ready for anything, be it, avocados, boiled eggs, spinach, asparagus, I like having a choice and I feel more likely to eat more good things if more good things are on offer…..this was my fridge week 1 or 2 of slimming world shopping. Safe to say, it doesn’t look like this right now!

in my fridge 2

So there we have it, just a short one today I think as I genuinely don’t have much I can say. Why not show me a pic of your fridge – especially if it’s full of fabulous things – I love to be inspired!




Day 5 – Your Proudest Moment

Hmm, this could be tricky as I genuinely don’t see a huge amount to be proud of.

I’ve done things that i’m proud of, such as raising money for charity, passing my Spanish exams in a Spanish school and not (completely) losing my mind, coming back and coping with things, passing challenges I set myself and the like but I don’t tend to be proud as a person, I mean, lots of people have done what I have done so it’s not like I’m special or anything.

I’m going to write a list of things i’ve done which i’m proud of, it might not be a comprehensive look but a good list of random stuff that makes me smile!

  • Jumping out of a plane – with a tandem instructor and a parachute: this has been one of those things that I’d always wanted to do but the prohibitive price always putting me off. However, when Sir Terry Pratchett passed away, I decided to do as much fundraising for Alzheimer’s research as I could and my dad very kindly offered to pay for a jump so I could do the jump, raise some funds and not have to spend half of the money on the jump itself. I loved it, it was amazing, I felt magical and I came down with barely a bump having flown through a cloud, seen some amazing views and genuinely felt the epitome of joy.


  • Surviving in a Spanish School: We lived in Spain from 1997 (when I was 14) and I went to a Spanish village school and despite having a handful of English friends, the majority of my time was spent talking in Spanish, thinking in Spanish, writing in Spanish and the like. I am really proud I did this (don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think I could) and it has now given me the knowledge that if I ever had to throw myself into something completely alien, I could manage it.


  • Walking on Hot Coals: This is still one of my favourite things and every time I see that there is a fire walking event nearby I try to get involved. I love it. It is genuinely the one thing I think that I did, made me feel like a superhero and will stay with me forever.


  • Breaking an arrow with my throat: As a precursor to walking on hot coals, the trainer wanted to show us that we are much stronger than sometimes our brain allows us to think. He took out a standard archery practise arrow and asked for a volunteer to hold a piece of wood. He placed the point of the arrow against his throat, and the fletching against the wood. He then stepped forward and whilst I thought he would skewer his own neck, the body is stronger than the wooden shaft of the arrow and it broke. I had to do it. I think he realised he had an adrenaline junkie on his hands and when I asked if I could do that, he was happy to oblige. I am so lucky because I kept the arrow and have always got that to refer to in case I doubt how amazing the human body and spirit is!


  • I have raised money for charity: As above, I have done a fair few random things for charity. I have done a couple of rainbow/fun/5k runs recently but I am aiming to increase my distances sooner rather than later.
  • I won’t say i’ve beaten it, but I’ve come through some fairly bad periods of depression and the fact that I’m still here is definitely something I should be proud of.
  • I set myself a challenge at the beginning of the year and so far, it’s going really well. I decided to buy any Terry Pratchett Discworld books I find (in second hand shops, cheap on ebay that type of thing) and will advertise and send them out to people who need them in their collections. So far I’ve sent 78 books this year so that’s a lot of Discworld love happening right there!

I’m not sure I have that many other specific “moments”. I try to have pride in my life, make sure my friends and loved ones know I am here for them and I’m trying to make sure I can look back at the good things I have done. Long may it continue I hope!

Day 3 – Your Biggest Regret

There have been so many in my life *breaks off and sings “My Way” – badly* but I’ve been making a real effort in the last few years to look at things more positively, which has certainly helped.

I’m not saying that I don’t have regrets for the last few years but I am trying to look at things more objectively and not let the little things I cannot control, control me.

I suppose the biggest thing I should have done but didn’t was to trust myself more. I spent a lot of my youth having big dreams but never actually setting out to achieve them. I wanted to travel the world, spend time teaching, exploring and truly finding myself but always stopped myself due to my own lack of trust in myself.

I’d like to think that thankfully I am a nice person and the things that I have missed aren’t actually that important in the grand scheme of things. I know that travel is something I say everyone should do but the person I am now is a very happy person, in a very loving relationship, a good job, a happy family and friend balance and I think that’s a lot to be grateful for.

I certainly do have things I regret, mostly things I regret not doing but I know that I cannot change my past or relive my life so I want to accept things and move on. I think that my Happy Jar certainly helps as it makes me remember the positives and spend less time on the negatives.

Just a short one today I think. I’d generally say I’d rather not focus on regrets as I cannot change them, and if nothing else, I want to avoid that in future so am trying to do more to give me positives to look back on.



Day 1 – Your Blog’s Name – Challenge 2

Well, I like having these new suggestions for writing, hopefully I won’t duplicate previous info shared but if I do, apologies, I’m trying to expand my writing and therefore am pretty much writing about anything.

Anyway, now that’s over, on to today’s topic. Where did the name “Half Baked Productions” come from?

jewel 3

I know i’ve said it before but I have been through the depression process a few times throughout my life and the last time, was I would say, the worst time. It’s the only time where hurting myself and finishing it all actually seemed like a good idea. I was very lucky to be forced to the doctor by friends and loved ones and they were really good at getting me both medication and some help.

I was referred to a really good local therapy centre, and although I felt listless and lifeless, I did attend. The therapist, Sue, was lovely, very caring, sympathetic and seemed to actually listen to me.

It took a while but almost as soon as we started talking, she made the point that I needed to spend more time making ME happy. If that meant eating a giant pizza in front of the TV, do it. If it meant crying and laying in bed all day, do it. Do the little things that make you happy and slowly but surely, you’ll spend more time being happy and less being sad.

She was right, she made me see that the people who loved me, would want to be around someone who was happier, but also would be happy to see me happier and it lead to me trying a lot of new things to try and work out who I want to be.

During this time I spent a fair amount of time experimenting in the kitchen. I’ve always loved cooking and making things but this was the first time in my life where people were coming to me and asking me to make things for them. Jams, preserves, cakes, chocolate and the like, things that i’d take into work for presents and just to fatten up the team and from this, Half Baked was born.


I’ve always wanted to be more independent, I’d love to not be working for someone else at some point in my life, to be my own boss and this seemed like a good start. I know i’ll never be the next Mrs Kipling but things like this make me happy, and I love sharing the bits and bobs I make with others.

I also have an unending thirst for talent in crafting. I will try anything in the hope that I can make something pretty. I spent a little while when I first moved to Dorset playing around with beads and making some jewellery and I decided that this was a good waste of my time, I wasn’t being very sociable so I bought myself some cheap bits from ebay and set about self teaching. They may not be the best things, but again, some people seem to like them and I like being able to create pretty unique items for other people.

So there you have it, a sadness which created a half baked idea, no lightning bolt inspiration, just a totally honest approach. I don’t always succeed in my plans but I will always have a go. I tend to be quite Half Baked about everything and this just seemed to work for me.

I will probably always keep Half Baked going, at the moment I’m in a much smaller space so makes cooking difficult for larger events but I’m hoping when we move, that I’ll have more space for experimentation. I am always happy to try new things and have already decided that in 2019 I’m going to work more on my photography skills, but maybe I’ll give crochet another bash too.

What about yourselves my dear reader friends, is there a craft that you do for fun, no matter how badly things turn out? Or is there something you’ve always wanted to try but never actually got the chance to? I’d love to hear your stories and if you do share, you might inspire something else new in me!

Post 30 facts about yourself….

facts about myself…..hmm, well apart from the standard ones (i’m 35, I live in the south of England, i’m a bit of a nerd) I’m not sure really. There’s lots of things about me I believe but not sure I can think of 30 interesting facts. Stick with it, we may both learn something…….

  1. I am caring – I tend to worry more about animals than humans, I find myself more upset by seeing the state humanity is leaving the planet as opposed to say watching a nature programme where a turtle is eaten by pumas.
  2. I have been depressed for a lot of my life and feel a better person for it. It’s made me fight to be better and to understand my mind more. I don’t know why but I’ve always felt wrong for being here and that i’m not welcome or needed. This still comes and goes but I think slowly but surely, i’m seeing more positives than I used to.
  3. I tend to wear odd socks – I’ve always thought lifes too short to worry about socks, generally under boots so not really visible to other people.
  4. I wish I had more impetus – I would love to do so many things with my life but for a long time, depression held me back, i didn’t travel like I wanted to as “it’s bound to go wrong” I haven’t gone for jobs/changes in my life as “im bound to fail” and that has rubbed off on me a lot. I do now try to do things to change that but it’s a very slow process.
  5. I read a bit like Johnny 5, I love books and they are still the first way of me coping, it means I can cut out the world and just get lost somewhere else.
  6. I wish I lived closer to more of my friends, I can get quite lonely here and although I have social media accounts, I very much miss actual face to face communications.
  7. I love taking photos, I’m not very good but it gets me out and about and I love showing the beauty of around where I live. I’m really lucky to be so close to the sea and the trappings that offers.
  1. I love food. I can probably watch cooking shows or read recipes like some people watch porn…..I’m making a real effort this year to be less of a fat pig but it’s not easy.
  2. I adopted an Orangutan called Okto this year and to further aid the plight of these wonderful Apes, i’m trying to avoid Palm oil in my food – which it turns out, is in a lot of food so that’s tricky – worth it though as far as i’m concerned.
ornag 2
  1. I still (despite everything) believe in love. I’ve had some really appalling relationships and they have most definitely affected me, however, am lucky to say that the man in my love, is the love of my life. He is sweet, caring, not perfect but perfect for me. I just hope I can make him anywhere near as happy as he makes me.


  1. I have signed up for a couple of challenges so far this year (2018). I am aiming to walk (at least) 31 miles in January – and i’ve walked about 11.5 (which I have on a pedometer or if you are happy to accept the fact my pedometer broke on Sunday and didn’t record anything i’ve actually done 14.9). So a few still to go but am sure I can achieve it. I’m also signed up for another colour run in July for a child’s hospice. They asked for £50 in sponsorship but i’m aiming for £100 as it’s such a great cause, I will post the link here, in case anyone wants to chuck in some pennies.……………I managed to complete over 50k in Jan (which despite the snow I’m considering a good thing and I also raised about £150 in the colour run – I’m looking at contributing to the newset blog by a virtual racing company I use starting later this year. Lots of plans for 2019 races too!
  1. I am really getting into gaming, both computer and board games. I have been a gamer for years but it tends to be something myself and the man do of an evening together, we will sit together and have a few hands of something or work together on a co-operative game. I heartily recommend (if you are able) heading to a board game cafe, as even if you’ve never played a “modern” boardgame, there’s generally a really good selection and staff who are paid to teach and play!!
  1. I don’t wear make up – unless it’s a really special occasion. My attitude has always been that no amount of slap will help this face so I leave it natural – plus, I don’t have to look at it, you lot do!
  2. I always wanted plastic surgery and as i’ve got older, the list of things i’d want “done” has actually got shorter. The old price tag when i was 17 or so was about £100,000 but I think it would be closer to half that now….I suppose i’ve started to accept that this is how I look and that’s that.
  3.  30 facts about myself is HARD
  4. I’m not sure I have a favourite food but I tend to go through fads of only wanting Pasta, or Curry, or cereal. I’m not sure why but food is such a massive passion of mine and I can quite happily spend hours during the day planning what i’m having for dinner that night.
  5. I love my job – i’m in a job where honestly, a year ago if someone had told me that I would be doing this, i’d have laughed in their faces. I’ve always done fairly menial roles or customer services (read from a script and take abuse) so the fact that this job is specific, has a lot of info, actually makes me feel like i’m making a difference is absolutely brilliant. My boss is also amazing as he actually seems to care and encourage his staff, which in the range of jobs i’ve had, seems a rare commodity.

bus night

  1. I like being around people who make me laugh, now ok, this probably isn’t something specific to me but of all the people I get along with, it’s those that have a fun side of life and fun view that I adore. I’m not fussed if it’s impressions, or old dad jokes or even biting satire, I just love being amused.
  2. I’d love to meet and see Eddie Izzard in action, I think he’s superb and not only for his comedic slightly zany look at the world but also his stance on humanity.
  3. I love being out in the rain. I know it’s odd but dancing in the rain (even with no music) can soothe my soul and if it ever really tips it down here, I am generally seen running for my shoes and heading for a rain rave.
  4. There’s a lot of things i’m scared of (irrational fears) but the things that keep me up at night are fears that I can do nothing about, being alone, not living up to expectations, not achieving anything.
  5. I wish I’d travelled more, in fact, I wish i’d seen the importance of the world as opposed to being in a relationship – which was an awful one as well to be fair! I should have taken out credit, saved like hell and just gone, not worried about making other people happy as over time i’ve learned that by me being happy, those around me are happy too.
  6. If I won the lottery, i’d pack up my life here and start at Gatwick and see where the world takes me. I’d love to take my other half along and maybe a couple of friends along the way. I’m not sure he’d come and if he didn’t want to, i’d have to make the choice of him or the world…..and that would be a really tough one.
  7. I’m trying to be more sociable this year, I know because of the depression, there have been times when I really withdraw from the world and want to make a difference now. My friends are amazing and I want to spend more time with them, not less.
  8. I wish my family could get along. I don’t know why my brother and mum have such issues with staying in contact and just being pleasant to each other – well, I do, they just seem to rub each other the wrong way but that makes it tricky for everyone. I’m not saying they have to be bosom buddies but I am so scared that something will happen out of the blue and i’ll have to call my sibling and say either “get here now before it’s too late” or, even worse, “it’s too late”. I always thought that the passing of a family member would bring the rest of the family closer together but having seen it do the exact opposite to my best friend and the man’s families, I worry for the future of mine.
  9. I keep a happy memory jar. I have already started the one for 2018 but haven’t as of yet sorted through the 2017 offerings. I know 2017 was a good year for me and I’m looking forward to re living it but the lists take time to sort/write and at the moment I just haven’t had the impetus to do it…..which as it’s 17 days into the new year (when I first wrote this)  I really should crack on with……maybe that’s a Sunday job.
  10. I am inside a very politically minded person, however, due to esteem issues I tend to keep my views quiet and dont enter discussions. Twitter has however, allowed me the freedom to be me and if people don’t like it, not my problem – this may also explain why i’m not followed by many people and why I try to not have real friends on there…..some is fine but I think i’d be in way too many arguments if I did the same on other social media.
  11. I’d love to spend more time with my dad in Paris, it’s such a special place for him and every time we go I love it when it’s just the two of us and I get to see the Paris he adores. He wanted to go a couple of year ago to climb Notre Dame again (he fears he’s getting too old) so I am aiming to get out there with him this year to help and hopefully we can conquer that together.
  12. As i’ve got older, my mum has become a better friend to me. I honestly think she tried her best when we were younger but circumstances in life made us not very close or alike, as we’ve got older I think we’ve both mellowed in our own ways and this makes the relationship better. Also, in therapy I was told to blame everything wrong on my parents, and I didn’t agree with that, and that helped me to see them in a better light, that they tried, they are flawed and made mistakes….they weren’t trying to hurt me, in fact they were trying to make life better for me and although it didn’t always work, there are a lot of things that they influenced in my life which have made me the person I am today.
  13. Despite everything, the abuse, the sad times, the depression, the fear, the lack of self esteem, the days/weeks and months at a time I didn’t want to be here, I love my life now – flaws and all – and wouldn’t change too much of it (well, a lottery win would be nice). If I could go back and change things, I would have liked to but now I know that my past has made my present what it is and i’m grateful to still be here and to have not succeeded in any of the attempts I made on taking my life. I would definitely tell a younger version of myself to keep on keeping on, be strong and someday it will be worthwhile. It may not be the easiest life but it is your life to live, to experience and to make the most of.

Well, who’d have thought I could come up with 30 facts…..they weren’t all fab and fun but they are the truth and this challenge has actually made me think more about my self and life than I normally would. Introspection can be a wonderful thing at times!

I’ve noticed recently a lot of new readers, for which I am both stunned and very grateful, feel free to drop me a line, say Hello! or just pass on your thoughts of what I write. I’m always up for meeting new people and experiencing new lives.


10 things which surprise you about people

this will be tricky, do i do this as “things about humanity” or things about my friends?

1) the way people feel the need to stress…….. like its going to make any difference to the people lives, “i havent slept for a week while working on this project” basically means, you’ve been stressing and making yourself ill for a work project……….NOT WORTH IT

2) the hypocrisy of some people………a lion gets shot (not nice i agree) and people are up in arms, surely the fact that people are starving to death is a bit more important?

3) the futility of terrorism……it never works yet it still happens

4) ex smokers/new veggies/vegans etc…… happy youve made a change in your life, but theres really no need to keep trying to tell me i need to change mine, i like my life and if i need to change it, I will, not because i suddenly get bombarded with people saying “ive done it, so you can too”

5) that even after all this time, people still get judged for what they look like, when will we learn?

6) that no one has invented jet packs yet, tomorrows world promised them to my parents, so where the hells mine?

7) that people bother to be my friend, im not a nice person yet there seems to be some who ignore that and try to find a nice inner me.

8) sometimes, the kindness of strangers makes me cry, people are (in my opinion) mostly bastards, and then someone will come along who is generally nice and that puts my opinions in the dust.

9) that people still expect that their vote counts, i mean, it does and i feel everyone should be made to vote, even if its to ruin their ballot paper, thats fine, but im really shocked at the amount of people who vote and have no real idea what they are doing. ive had so many conversations with people who feel that because their parents voted one way, thats the way to go, or because a party says they’re going to do something that appeals to you doesnt mean you shouldnt investigate what else they’re going to do. actually, my post should be that people dont get taught these things anymore, and very few actually take the time to be interested in their own welfare.

thats it, ive finally reached the pinnacle of this………my biggest thing about humanity is this………..

10) how can people not have curiosity, about life, the world, the way we live, others on this planet, how things work, where things come from how things are made. Im such a nosey bugger but im also naturally curious. i dont understand people who are stupid and happy about this fact. those who revel in ignorance really arent my type at all. my brain is always working and fizzing, i like taking on new challenges and learning is always close by, even if im watching tv quizzes i like to think im improving my brain. so yeah, that astounds me, that people dont always have as pulp said “a thirst for knowledge”.